i am the chocolate girl
Upon last sip and lick of the demitasse spoon, I acknowledged I just drank one of the best cappuccinos I think I ever had... It was so chocolate-y. I never thought that chocolate would be the primary flavor I'd taste from a cappuccino -- perfectly executed or not...with a double heart etched, one inside the other, into the silky smooth milk. It is so simple -- a cappuccino. It's a pleasure I don't take for granted. When I get one nowadays, I feel like I'm cheating and that at any moment someone is going to tell me that I can no longer drink these -- caffeine-full simple delights. So this simple pleasure goes noted and etches itself inside my memory for future reference -- if need be. As I drove away from the scene of this momentous occasion, I hear on the radio, "All I want to do is trade this life for something new"... and back into my head I go to memories of recent conversations I had with my friend, Michelle, on our last bike ride. Just Sunday, just an hour before I was supposed to go on a bike ride with a bunch of friends, I laid so still on my couch wondering if it'd be a good idea for me to go on that ride. It might be 30 miles I regret...but it was so perfectly sunny outside...the sky was so blue...and I felt like I needed to do what I love to do rather than lay there waiting for the inevitable to take over. As the tears welled up in my eyes, a deep breath in and a stuttered gasp and sigh...one more time just to make sure I was alive and up and off the couch I flew. I downed a few things that I thought would give me energy -- all legal, I might add plus I took a few Aleve just for good measure. Then off I went to meet friends for a ride.
By the time we actually got off on the ride (a couple flats and an actual tire purchase later...sigh), I had more energy and strength than I can't remember the last time. I flew up the hills as fast as I flew down them...and along the way Michelle challenged me to go ever faster. We talked about what ails me... and we talked about perseverance and challenge and where that comes from. We also talked about her mother-in-law's fight with MS and how her mother-in-law has decided to fight it. At the end of that particular snippet of conversation she told me what I needed to hear... that I'm like her mother-in-law...if I'm going to go down, I'm going to do it fighting for the things I love, for the best me I believe I am or was.
I believe I have the potential for greatness...maybe that greatness is only going to be tasted in the perfect cookie. But it's going to happen. It is happening NOW. My childhood friend, Christa, wrote on my Facebook wall the other day when I announced that "Pain is a four letter word"..."Feel better, Sue...And you are the Chocolate Girl". I created this blog because I didn't want to lose who I believe I am in all of this. At the end of the day...I'm the Chocolate Girl. After all, I'm healing the world one cookie at a time and I wouldn't trade that in; it's what I do. Oh! And I did thank that Remedy barista guy wearing the beret and cool black framed glasses for that cappuccino. It was awesome.